Until it's gone
by Carly the Llama
Summary: When Gabriel and Adrien get into a heated argument, leading to unimaginable consequences, Gabriel learns an important lesson: you never know what you had, until it's gone. And Plagg will do anything to save Adrien from himself. Two-shot.
1. Chapter 1

**You never really know what you've got,**

 **until it's gone.**

The whole of Paris was asleep, except for the insomniac youngest Agreste who laid down on his large bed in his too large room with too large windows that had a view of the night sky and the moon.

The whole world outside went on, unaware of the depressing thoughts swirling around the despaired young man's head. He tried to contain his soul-wrenching sobs in, tried to keep the tears filling his eyes every once in a while at bay, as he replayed the argument he had with his father, all the while staring grievously at the thing in his hand. He had crossed the line this time, and he knew there was no going back.

 _"Father…could we talk?"_

 _"Not now, Adrien, schedule an appointment with Natalie." Gabriel said wearily as he took another sip of wine from the bottle._

 _"You can't keep doing this to yourself, father." Adrien yelled. "Look, I understand how you feel right now. But maybe…we could spend some time together…like we used to when Mom was around." Today was the anniversary of his mother going missing and his father had been drinking heavily all week like previous years, and Adrien just wanted nothing more than to spend some quality time with his father._

 _"Adrien, I'm not in the mood for this right now, alright?" Gabriel replied, trying to keep his anger and frustration in check as he clenched his fists at his side. He could feel the buried hurt and anger build into rage as his son decided to ignore his protests._

 _"I know this day is hard, and I'm really sorry. But father…" He swallowed convulsively. "I still need you." Adrien whispered softly. He remembered how it felt when the pain of his mother's disappearance was fresh, the despair and loneliness he felt, the depression that he tried to hide away but failed and going into an almost catatonic state for the first few days that even had Natalie worried._

 _"Adrien," Gabriel warned. "I told you, I'm. Not. In. The. Mood." The frustration and rage only kept growing when Adrien didn't stop. He knew if he opened his mouth and talked, he'd only spew out his anger, and when he'd start, he won't stop until he'd say something he's going to regret later._

 _"Just…I don't want you to get hurt." Adrien said desperately, his wide eyes pleading with him to hear him out, and understand._

 _"There's nothing to explain! You don't care about your mother at all!" Gabriel snapped angrily. "You want to talk? Fine. Let's talk. What are you going to explain, huh? That I should also stop caring about my wife? That you're alone when you have Natalie to care for you? What?"_

 _Adrien stayed silent, letting his father take out his anger on him, pour out his feelings, becoming smaller by the second, looking down._

 _Gabriel crossed the gap that separated them, standing right in his personal space as he stared at him. "There is no explanation." He grabbed Adrien's biceps in a bruising-grip, ignoring his son's discomfort as he squirmed slightly under his grip._

 _"No," Adrien whimpered. "I will always love and miss Mom…"_

 _"Yes!" Gabriel continued to bark venomous words at his only child as he whirled away from him, letting the gap grow between them once again as he moved away from his personal space, wiped a hand down his weary face. "Why couldn't it have been you?" he whispered wearily to himself, but it was still audible enough for Adrien to hear it._

 _"Father…you—you don't mean that." He said shakily, tried to convince him, or maybe himself, desperately._

" _I wish you had disappeared instead of your mother!" Gabriel bellowed in rage as he slid off all the things from the desk in front of him in fury._

Adrien lost the fight, turning his face into the pillow to muffle the sobs and cries, uncontrollable tears soaking the pillowcase.

...

Gabriel laid on his side, trying his hardest to ignore his son's sobs that could be heard from the room across the hall, coming from somewhere deep within his soul, and he could hear all the anguish, the guilt, the self-loathing in it. He resisted the urge to tell him to "shut up, damnit!"—not because it annoyed him, but because it _hurt_ , like a thousand knives being plunged straight into his heart. No matter what happened, he still couldn't bear his son shedding tears, it still affected him the same way it used to, but it hurt even worse to know that _he_ was the cause of it.

He wanted to apologize, say sorry for all the cruel words he said, but he wouldn't, even though he regretted those words profoundly. The rage burning inside of him forced him to say those terrible things to his only child, things that were all a lie, words he should've never said, and he hoped that Adrien knew it was just his anger, that he didn't mean any of it. But his pride and stubbornness kept him from apologizing. Adrien asked for it anyway by pushing him into talking when he knew that wasn't how he dealt with his grief.

He didn't know when it happened, he didn't remember when his eyelids slid shut together, and he never remembered when slumber took him away into the darkness.

OoOoO

The next thing he felt was a hand, shaking his shoulder lightly, a soft feminine, but unfamiliar voice sounded in his ear, gently telling him to wake up, and despite how soft it was, it was still annoying. He furrowed his eyebrows, and lazily, slid his grey-blue eyes open, blinking rapidly at the blur clouding his vision until it was clear enough to see.

It took him a few seconds to take in the surroundings, the white floors and walls, the women in nurse uniforms, the doctors in lab coats, the carts of medical tools and all that crap, uncomfortable and cold metal chairs, people in blue gowns walking around the long hallways along with their family, or loved ones.

He was in the waiting room of a hospital.

"The doctor would like to see you right now, sir." The blond nurse with gray sympathetic eyes, about six inches shorter than him in height, said.

Gabriel scrunched up his eyebrows together in confusion, but he decided to play along as he let the nurse pull him off the chair and lead him to the doctor.

"Mr. Agreste?"

Gabriel nodded. "Yeah."

"I'm very sorry." The doctor sympathized, his voice and face weary, but filled with sorrow for the man. "We were too late to save your son."

"Wait—what? What happened to my son? What's wrong with him!?" He yelled anxiously, gripping the doctor's collar in his tight fists, jerking him frantically.

The doctor stared down at the floor in sadness, sighing. "Your son committed suicide. Took a whole bottle of sleeping pills. He was brought in hours later after that, and we've tried everything to save him, but our attempts were futile." He whispered sorrowfully.

Gabriel's mind froze completely at "your son committed suicide," and probably didn't pay attention to the rest of the doctor's words. Scratch that, his whole body froze, unable to do anything else but replay those horrific words in his head. Never had he thought that he'd hear such words from someone.

Never had he thought Adrien would do such a thing.

He barely noticed when the nurse kindly and carefully led him to a chair to sit down, he barely noticed the tears blurring his vision, spilling down his cheeks, he barely noticed the pitiful looks thrown his way from the people. He could only feel the hollow emptiness in his chest, as if a huge part of his heart, his _soul_ went missing, leaving nothing in its place except the wound from two years ago, a deep gouge that just reopened, that familiar loneliness he felt when he lost Emilie.

The nurse led him to the room slowly, and before he walked inside, she gave him a comforting squeeze on his shoulder. He would've told her to back off and not touch him, but right now, he didn't have the heart to, he didn't have it in him, because his baby was dead, gone from this world, from his life, and he wasn't ever gonna come back. He could only perform the wish once, he couldn't save both his wife and son.

It was only when the nurse left him alone did he release all the overwhelming emotions, letting a lone drop of salty tear spill down his cheek, his face crumpling as he slowly walked over to Adrien's dead body, a white cloth draped over him.

It felt like miles, when in reality, it was only a few steps, but he finally reached there. He pulled back the sheet, and stared silently at his son's face, drifting to his closed eyes, the same pale green eyes that would never open again—ever. Those same puppy eyes that used to have get him everything he asked for.

He sat on the edge of his only child's deathbed, so close their hips were almost touching. He ignored the tears that spilled down his cheek, and he moved his hand slowly to grasp Adrien's cold ones, and maybe a part of him expected a light squeeze—just maybe, hoped that somehow, they were wrong, that Adrien didn't really die. His fingers absently searched for a pulse in his wrist, searched for a reassurance, a sign that Adrien was still alive.

Only to find none. No beating underneath the pulse-point, no rise and fall of his chest.

And he felt his whole world crash down around him as he realized again, fully this time, the slight bit of denial and hope in his heart washed away with the sea of despair.

His son was gone—and never, ever coming back—no matter what.

This is what he asked for, isn't it? For Adrien to have disappeared? And this was almost the same as it. He lost his son, forever.

A bitter smile stretched across his lips at the thought, feeling angry at himself as he remembered all the words he said to Adrien before.

The bitter smile slowly faded.

His mouth scrunched upward, more tears spilling down his cheek.

"Why'd you do it, Adrien?" He asked softly. "Did you—did you do it because of _me_?" His voice broke at the last word, carding his fingers slowly through his hair and his scalp.

"You—you could have come to me, you know. You didn't have to do this—you didn't have to go through all this alone. I-I know I've been treating you like shit these days, but I still would have been there for you. I would've tried to help you. God Adrien, why didn't you tell me?"

He wiped roughly at the tear-tracks making their way down his cheeks, biting his lip as he laid his other hand on top of his son, leaning down to rest his forehead against his baby's cold, pale one, so dead-cold. "You're still my son, and I still loved you." He whispered softly to him. " …no matter what."

He swallowed thickly as he remembered their last conversation once again, his last words to Adrien, and he would never be able to change that past, regretting those words deeper than he did before. His son died, thinking that he hated him. "I guess I didn't really give you much of a choice, did I? Hurt you so much the last time you did, that you found it easier to just..." he trailed off, not wanting to say that word out loud.

He pulled back, biting his lip, before pressing a soft kiss to his Adrien's long, lanky—and so _cold_ and _pale_ —fingers, and resting his own forehead on the back of them.

"I'm so sorry, Adrien," he whispered softly. "I—I would do anything to take it all back."

But then he jolted awake.

OoOoO

He jolted awake, sweating profusely through his night-shirt and tears pouring down his face. He quickly ran a hand across his face, wiping away the tears with them as he looked around frantically. "Oh, thank god. It was just a dream." He whispered softly to himself. He felt waves of relief and gratitude wash down on him as it dawned on him that none of that was real, all just a terrible, horrific nightmare.

Thank God. Not real. Just a terrible nightmare.

He had to be sure though. He quietly ran to Adrien's room and opened the door, feeling joy and more relief fill his heart at the occupied bed. His son, alive, and breathing, and there.

He quickly strode over to his son's bed—not caring that he might be interrupting Adrien's sleep—and lifted him off and pulled him tightly against his chest. He just wanted to feel, to know, to be reassured that Adrien was alive instead of dead, that he was warm instead of cold, that his skin was tan-colored instead of deadly-pale, and he could feel the rise and fall of his chest against his own, his breaths hot against his neck.

...

Adrien heard noices from the door, and he quickly hid the thing under his pillow, closing his eyes and trying to keep his breathing even, expecting his father to be planning to yell at him some more, but notice he was asleep and wait until the morning.

But what happened, was something he hadn't expected in the least. He heard soft, but fast footsteps and soon, he felt himself being pulled off the bed in an instant and into his father's arms, held closely against his chest.

He was being held by his father, and he didn't really know the reason why.

A heartbeat.

"Fa'?" he choked out through the emotion clogging his throat, his voice a whisper.

And the only response he got was being pulled even closer if possible.

Adrien swallowed convulsively, and just melted into the embrace, the solace he had been yearning for, and he burrowed his face into his shoulder.

They stayed like that, for long minutes, just breathing into each other's scents and absorbing in all the love and comfort from each other.

And Gabriel was finally beginning to understand the overwhelming loneliness. Adrien was alone, completely alone, with nothing and no one to hold on to, his friends were the only ones who he could count on and he very rarely got to see them if ever outside of school

The silence was peaceful and relaxing rather than tense and uncomfortable like it used to be.

Gabriel never knew that he had just saved Adrien's life. He never knew that one simple gesture, that one simple hug had sparked up the hope inside the hopeless boy.

He never really found out about the full bottle of sleeping pills lying under his son's pillow, about all the depressing and suicidal thoughts that went through his head as he stared at it.

They never found out about Kwami of Destruction silently thanking the Kwami of Illusion for the favor.

 **A/N: Please review if you want me to do a chapter from Plagg's POV.**


	2. Plagg's POV

**A/N: As requested, Plagg's POV**

"I wish you had disappeared instead of your mother!" Gabriel bellowed in rage.

Plagg saw the exact moment something inside Adrien snapped, and the cat kwami wanted nothing more than to activate Cataclysm and show that sorry excuse for a father what pain really was. But no, Adrien wouldn't want that, losing his only parent would probably break him more, since he practically had Stockholm syndrome on the topic of his father.

He felt Adrien slowly walk to his room, and emerged the moment he heard the door click closed.

"Kitten?" Plagg asked hesitantly. He wasn't going to ask if Adrien was okay because he knew the answer was no, and Adrien would just lie.

Adrien wasn't crying yet, but Plagg could tell by the glassy look in his eyes that it was only a matter of minutes before the tears spilled over.

"I'm okay, Plagg." Adrien choked out, ambling to the bathroom, "I'm okay." Lie. The lie was so transparent that Plagg could also feel the honest words coming from Adrien's mouth.

However, he knew Adrien might just need a moment. If he suspected anything, _nothing_ would stop him from being in there. But he would give Adrien a few moments to himself. Once it hit three minutes of too quiet, or ten minutes of him not coming out, Plagg would go in.

Plagg felt something inside his heart break as he heard Adrien start crying and then listened to the shower turn on.

"Oh Adrien," he said to himself, "I'm sorry you have such a horrible father. You deserve so much more." Adrien didn't need the limelight, he needed his father's love, especially after the loss of his mother. It wasn't right that he needed to hide his true self just for his damn father's reputation. He should be a normal kid, expressing his dork side and have everyone love him for it.

Yes, Plagg appreciated that Adrien was rich, because that allowed him to satisfy his camembert craving. But he would rather live off the cheap stuff if it meant Adrien was living a healthy, happy, life. No model diets, no 'fasting'—read starving himself—for days on end to get unnecessarily skinnier. No praying that today was the day his father would finally say, "I love you."

Plagg growled to himself. Damn Gabriel. Did he not realize what a wonderful, kind, determined, gracious child he had?

The timer Plagg had set went off, telling the kwami that it was time to check on Adrien. Normally he would respect the boy being naked and wanting privacy, but he had lost too many kittens to risk it.

He phased through the door and saw Adrien was sitting down, letting the shower water spray on his back, with his knees hugged against his chest. His eyes were already red from crying.

Plagg frowned when he felt that the water was way too hot. It had to hurt. He cooled down the water and looked to Adrien, grabbing the soap and cleaning his chosen off. If he was going to be wet anyway, might as well groom his kitten. Adrien didn't seem to react to it. He shivered when Plagg turned off the water and wrapped a towel around him, coming back with some pajamas.

"Come on, Adrien. Let's get you to bed. It can't be comfortable sitting naked on the tile floor."

"Does anybody actually care about me, Plagg?" Adrien asked, finally getting up and putting some clothes on. Plagg sighed when he saw the scars on Adrien's body from various akumas, "Or is father right, that the world would have been better if I was the one to have disappeared."

Without hesitation, Plagg flew into Adrien's face, glaring with a rage that showed he was the god of freaking destruction and nobody messed with his kittens.

"Don't you listen to what that bastard said." Plagg snapped, "He was upset about your mom, so he didn't mean it. And if he did, I will leave dead rats in his shoes until the day he dies."

"Don't," Adrien said, grabbing a bottle of sleeping pills from the medicine cabinet, "I still love him, even if he doesn't love me. And you didn't answer my question about if anyone truly loves _me_ , or the model."

Plagg sat in Adrien's hand, holding the sleeping pills to make sure Adrien didn't use them.

"Of course people love you! Your dumb father won't let you show your true self to many people, but Nino's seen through it. He adores you for you. I cherish love you. Ladybug certainly cares about you, and the people of Paris love Chat Noir!"

"They love Ladybug." Adrien replied, and Plagg felt the rage bubble up at Adrien's words, "They see Chat as the useless sidekick. The comic relief. And as Ladybug said to me as Aspik, we don't need Chat Noir. And during another reboot, I said the same thing to her about Chat, and she didn't correct me. I wish she would have."

In his millions of years of living, Plagg had _never_ been so angry. Adrien was the best Chat Noir he had ever had, so how dare people disrespect him! How dare Ladybug say those things!?

Plagg knew the 25,913 times Aspik tried to save Ladybug was the equivalent of 88 days, meaning close to three months. Three months of trauma and feeling like a failure. Yes, he was a little offended for being ditched like that. But in hindsight, it did help hide Adrien's identity; and he had clearly learned his lesson and still had nightmares about it. He had no plans ever to bring it back up. How many times did Ladybug say Chat Noir was useless?

Adrien sat on the bed, turned on his side, "Plagg, would anybody really miss me if I was dead? They wouldn't, and neither would you. So leave me alone for a bit and stop pretending."

Those words were the final straw for Plagg.

Roxas Hikaru, "Nobody would miss me."

Dorian Nanami, "I fear I am going mad. Better I kill myself before I hurt someone else."

Rhysand Akamine, "I am a demon and a nightmare, and I will meet a bad end."

Names of his lost kittens rang in his ears, and the final words he heard from them. Maybe he'd simply been renounced, and they were still alive. But he didn't know, and that terrified him. Those were just the ones he was unsure about, but there were some he had downright seen die, hadn't been able to do anything.

But then he felt the order from Adrien. An actual order that he couldn't disobey. One to leave Adrien alone.

Now, leaving Adrien alone did not mean he couldn't help. It seemed that the asshole called Gabriel was the key. Adrien needed a father's love. But how could he get it without endangering Adrien's identity?

Plagg then got a devious plan. He flew out the window and to Master Fu, who was asleep.

"Wayzz!" Wayzz got up,

"Plagg, why aren't you with your owner?"

"He ordered me to leave him alone for a bit. That 'bit' will wear off in about an hour. But Wayzz, he's breaking. I can't lose him too, so I need Trixx's help." Wayzz's eyes widened, and he opened the Miracle Box for Plagg to enter.

Plagg ignored the excited cheers of his brothers and sisters, grabbing Trixx and dragging them out.

Trixx looked around, "Awesome! Do I need to help with another mission?" Plagg shrugged,

"Yes, kind of. But as you." He grabbed her paw and dragged her to the Agreste mansion and into Gabriel's room. Along the way, he had explained what had happened, and Trixx agreed that Adrien's mental state was delicate enough that suicide was a possibility. So, that was the dream Trixx planted in Gabriel's mind.

It took maybe thirty minutes before Gabriel was sweating and crying in his sleep, muttering "Adrien no" or "I'd do anything" or "don't be gone."

Plagg would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy this.

By the time Plagg felt the order wear off, Gabriel had shot awake with a scream. Both kwamis fled to Adrien's room, not noticing Nooroo put the pieces together from inside the nightstand.

When Plagg got to Adrien's room and perched on a ledge, he was relieved to see Adrien was just staring at the still-full bottle. If he had taken any, it would be two tops, which was a standard dose. Maybe this was a false alarm, but that didn't mean Plagg would ever regret this.

When Gabriel came in, Adrien shoved the pills under his pillow and pretended to be asleep, and was clearly startled when his father rushed over to him and held him close. Plagg watched his kitten melt into the embrace and weep quietly. And father and son sat in comfortable silence.

He turned to Trixx, whispering, "Thank you, Trixx. Just know that if Gabriel treats Adrien like crap again, I might call you again."

"No problem, Plagg." She winked, "I should head back, but good luck. I hope to see you again under better circumstances." She left, leaving Plagg to watch as Gabriel apologized quietly yet frantically, how he didn't mean what he said.

Plagg couldn't help but smile.


End file.
